Title: Pretty in Pink, 1/?
Pairing: Jared/OFC-named-Lindsay, and before that Jared/Jensen and Jared/Sandy
Rating: Um…*head tilt* I dunno. *blows bubble* Maybe almost NC17?
Warnings: OFC but she's totes not a Mary Sue, I SWEAR. Giggling, sleazy!Jensen, manufactured angst, crystalline tears, hetsex and it's kind of explicit so if you're a slasher you might not want to look here. Don't oppress me with your buttsex. Vaginas are not dirty or bad wrong, okay? Okay. Abuse of metaphor, simile, hyperbole, and anatomy.
Spoilers: Well. I am sort of psychic. This one time we heard a scratching noise in the house and I totes knew it was a squirrel. And I told my mom, and when she went to look it was so COMPLETELY a squirrel. We named it Dean because it fell in love with our cat, Sam. And, um, anyway, I'm kind of psychic and I didn't make this up, so if you don't want to know what's going to happen to Jared in the future, you should probably not read this.
Disclaimer: Jared belongs to Lindsay, even if he doesn't know it yet. Jensen and Sandy are a sleazy OTP. Oh, and Lindsay is mine. So if you want to use her or write in this 'verse, you should tell me first.
Archiving: Of course! Just tell me so I can come and pet my children and pimp the fuck out of your archive because you think I'm awesome enough to rec, um, I mean so I can tell people all about how awesome you are. *beams*
Summary: Jensen is a nasty pig and cheats on the incredible amazing Jared with Sandy (and they were both dating him so it's totes a double whammy for Jared because both his girlfriend and boyfriend are cheating at the same time!). But Jared meets a girl who mends his broken heart with her soulful eyes and musical laughter.
Notes: The title is taken from the movie, Pretty in Pink, with Molly Ringwald, and I thought it suited this story because Lindsay's favorite color is pink and she always wears it because it looks wonderful on her. Especially the seashell pink lipgloss and pink t-shirt with rhinestones, and also she and Jared are totally having pink champagne at their wedding, and probably it'll be at Disneyland in Cinderella's castle because Jared always says Lindsay is his Disney princess. Anyway, like I said, I didn't make this up, it's really going to happen, and if you like this first part I'll write more. Because Jared and Lindsay have a very active and perfect sex life…in their hot tub, and on the roof, and with candlelight, and at the beach. Also Jared always frames her face in his big hands and kisses her like she's the most precious thing in his world. Well, you'll see when you read the fic!
Cross-posted: Everywhere, and I'm not sorry. There's too much slash anyway.
"God, Jensen, you're such a JERK. I can't believe you cheated on me with my girlfriend!" Jared screamed into the phone and kicked his bed. And that hurt, damn it.
Jared was mad. Damned mad. Mad as a rattler that just got shit on by a bull. How could Jensen do this to him?
"Shh, Jared, baby. It's not like that, really. We just got drunk and Sandy's got the greatest tits ever and she showed me, and aww, baby, you know how I am when my dick is hard," Jensen soothed.
"How could you do this to me?" Jared demanded. "I thought we had something special! I thought I meant something to you."
"C'mon, baby, you do. You know you do. I love your mouth better than any other that's ever sucked my dick." Jensen sounded soothing, and Jared almost fell for it until he heard a high-pitched giggle in the background. Jensen tried to cover the phone but it was TOO LATE. Jared would know that giggle anywhere.
"Is that Sandy, oh my god, is she there?" He thought he might die inside it hurt so bad.
"Shh, honey, quiet now." And Jared didn't know if he was talking to him or Sandy but he didn't care.
"I hate you! I hate you so much I hope you never get another erection."
"You don't mean that, baby, I know you don't. So I'm not going to take that seriously. I'll be here when you're done being mad."
Jared was sobbing now so hard there was snot running down his face. "I never—I never," he sniffled, "want to see you again." Then he slammed down the phone and without barely stopping to wash his face, went running out into the street.
He needed a drink. He needed something.
Jared's eyes went wide and his heart stopped in his chest. He needed her. The most beautiful girl he'd ever seen was walking into a bar and Jared was going to have her.
Fuck Jensen and Sandy. Who needed them anyway?
Jared followed her into the bar – a seedy establishment called Lava Gina. He stood for moment, and wiped some snot from his face as his cat’s eyes adjusted to the dim light.
She was standing at the bar, and as a hard shaft of golden light from the dying afternoon sun lit up her face, Jared thought he might die. It was like a Pussycat Doll and an angel had spawned – heavenly was the only word for her beauty.
Jared shook his head. Maybe she really was a vision, a side effect of the medication he’d been on since his recent bout of amnesia, or that sex pollen allergy he’d developed over spring.
He stood along the bar from her, and signaled the barman for a drink. He nonchalantly twirled the little umbrella in his glass as he observed her.
Pink jewels sparkled around her elegant swanlike throat. She laughed at something the barman said, and it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. Sweeter even than Justin Timberlake. As she tossed her lustrous locks (and was that a barcode on the back of her neck?), the air around her seemed to shimmer, as if the universe had stopped to stare and touch itself.
Her phone and she flipped it open impatiently. The screen flashed the name Brian Kinney at her.
“Brian, Stop crying baby. I’m sorry but it just isn’t working for me. You’re a doll but you just couldn’t satisfy me.” She picked idly at what appeared to be some stray yak (or where they unicorn?) hairs on her jeans. “No baby you will live. I can’t help it if I was the best you ever had…Go home and beg Justin to take you back.”
Jared seized the opportunity with his two huge sexy hands and walked over to her.
Jared glared back all those who hovered around this fallen angel made of sin. She was to be HIS, dammit, and no one else would even be given a chance to look at her, much less get close and try to talk or something.
He leaned on the bar and made sure to brush against her arm as he leaned. Jared nodded and lifted his drink, inadvertently poking himself in the eye with the umbrella.
Oh god! What a dope. He couldn't believe he'd just done that!
All the lovely thing of loviness did was giggle, pink shimmers and her sleek chestnut tresses glinting in the low light of the bar. Thank goodness for his cat-like eyes.
"You okay?" she purred?
"Yeah, thanks." Jared said. He smiled. He hoisted his drink again and they both laughed. "Hi."
She was still giggling. And freakin' gorgeous. "Hi." she said back.
"I'm -" really interested, he almost said. "Jared."
She deftly plucked the umbrella from his drink so he didn't harm himself further, tucked it behind her ear, then let her hand rest atop his on the bar. The touch was so gentle and sensuous it set something afire in Jared! It stirred his very soul.
"Lindsay," she answered, and tossed her hair back from her shoulder in an elegant, carefree gesture.
He soon and easily became lost in the dewy pools of her beautifully expressive eyes, the scent of her perfume and skin so warm and close, the warmth radiating from her simple touch over his hand.
Lindsay, Jared thought. Lind.Say. Could that name be any more beautiful, any more perfect?
Yes! Jared decided. If it were Lindsay Padalecki.
Be cool, Jared. You can totally do this. You do not want to scare off your future wife. Jared cleared his throat, gave Lindsay his sultriest look.
“Can I buy you a drink, Lindsay?” Jared felt his heartrate speed up as she kept her gaze locked with his, as she licked her lush and perfect lips, left them wet and glistening.
“That would be nice, Jared.” Her voice was like music, like violins. Like music with violins. She gestured to the bartender with her impeccably manicured nails, tips gleaming pink and lustrous. “Appletini, please.”
And oh god, he realized. She’s Southern. Jared closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing. Her voice sent tiny tingles up and down his spine, with its slow, rounded vowels and sweet little twang.
“Are you...okay, Jared?”
She was touching him again. Right on his bare, naked arm. It was like the softest caress of angel’s wings when her fingers brushed against his skin.
Jared swallowed, took a deep breath. He told himself, once again, to be cool. He was going to run her off if she knew that he thought she was -
“So beautiful. You’re pretty like a picture, Lindsay. I...oh fuck, I didn’t mean to - oh shit, I’m swearing in front of a lady.” He covered his mouth, eyes rounded.
And she just laughed, softly. It was the most warm and gentle sound. Her laugh made the room feel brighter, like the sun coming out after a rainstorm.
“Oh, Jared. You are just adorable. You flatter me.” Her fingers brushed against his cheek, the scent of flowers and happiness tickling his nose.
Jared bit his lip, and decided, I will never, ever wash that cheek again. Ever.
Lindsay's eyes glistened sumptuously in the low light of the bar as she gazed soulfully up at Jared. She seemed to be examining him, her eyes tracing every contour of his face, and it was like she could see into his very soul. Jared felt a flush creeping into his cheeks and he damned his lack of self control. This girl seemed to steal away what little dignity he possessed, and he was ready to give her so much more, if she would only ask.
"Jared," she said thoughtfully, her musical voice washing over his skin. "It looks like you have been crying. Are you alright?" The smooth skin of her brow furrowed gently, her face the picture of kind concern.
Oh, right. Jensen and Sandy. Any thought of them had been completely blown out of his mind by the appearance of this angel in front of him. The betrayal and his anguish felt like a thing of the distant past - he knew that he didn't need those two. They were like tiny little candles in the face of the brilliant blazing inferno that was this marvelous woman. Lindsay.
He ducked his head and scratched at the back of his neck, embarrassed. "W..w..well," he stuttered, "I just... had some problems, you know, with an ex-" he paused, afraid of scaring her away, then remembered the conversation he had overheard, "b...boyfriend, and I don't know, I guess it got... emotional?" He shrugged, eyes still aimed toward the floor, and he couldn't help but notice her feet, her beautiful, delicate feet, ensconced in lovely sandals and adorned with a tasteful pink polish on her toenails, which tipped long, graceful toes, toes that he wanted to caress with his long, long fingers, find out if she was ticklish...
"What?!" He snapped his head up, arms flailing as he realized that Lindsay had been trying to catch his attention and he was ignoring her, and one of his hands collided with his drink, sending it tumbling (of course) directly into Lindsay's lap, covering her in bright pink strawberry daquiri and shattering the glass on the floor.
Jared gasped in horror and leapt to his feet as he realized what he had done. He had soiled his princess! He was such an IDIOT! Now she would hate him and never want to see him again! He began to hyperventilate as panic set in - Lindsay, he couldn't lose Lindsay, not over something as stupid as THIS!
But then Lindsay's gentle, melodic laugh washed over him, soothing him with its warmth and good humor. "It's a good thing my favorite color is pink."
I’m so sorry. I’m always sucha klutz. I’m retarded.” Jared flailed about grabbing napkins and brushed them down the front of Lindsay’s dress. Then he realized that he was practicaly groping her. In public. In a bar.
“Jared, it’s ok,” Lindsay said. And she laughed the airy laugh of hers and Jared thought of fairies and butterflies.
Lindsay took a small, dainty hand and placed it over Jared’s on the napkin. “Here, let me help you with that.” She moved his hand over her heart and jared smiled at the steady beat beneath his long, manly fingers. He could feel her heart beat in time with his and knew they were meant to be together forever. She would never cheat on him with Jensen.
“Want to get out of here?” Jared asked, leaning close and practically whispering in her ear. She smelled so good, like the rain that fell in the morning and the roses in his momma’s garden.
Lindsay smiled at Jared and his heart stopped. “i’d like that, Jared.” She grabbed her tiny little pink purse and began walking toward the door. She tossed a sultry look over her shoulder. “You comin?”
Jared noticed that every eye in the room was on Lindsay. But they would never get a chance to be with the angel they saw. Because she was leaving. She was lieving with himand his life was so good.
One thing was for sure, Jared's hormones were pumping at a million miles per minute. With any other woman in the world, he would be think of only one thing - making whoop. But not with Lindsay. Sure, her unparalleled beauty and undeniable sex appeal left him aching, but she was different. She was something more than one glorious night of sex.
He had to make it clear to her, his new destiny, that he was committed to HER, not just her super-model body.
As they strolled out onto the glistening sidewalk, wet from an earlier rain, Jared couldn't keep from noticing the way Lindsay seemed to glow with an iridescent sheen in the pale moonlight.
There was almost something otherworldly about her. When she looked at him, it was like she was Really seeing Him. “Lindsay, I know this might sound crazy, but I feel like there’s something here between us. Please, tell me you feel it too.”
Lindsay smiled sweetly and it was like a twinkling star for him to wish upon. “I’ve felt for a long time that I would meet someone special tonight. I’m glad it was you, Jared.”
He was in awe at her subtle confidence and the way she so easily put him at ease. If there had been doubts in his mind before (and there’d been NONE) they would be completely eradicated now.
It was as if fate itself had guided him into the streets to find this goddess of a woman, to find Lindsay.
As they strolled the moonlit streets, not worrying about their safety at all, content in the raw silence of the night because they didn't seem to have to talk to communicate, it began to rain again.
Jared cursed his unpreparedness for not having an umbrella to hold over his sweet Lindsay, for surely she would melt. But Lindsay just laughed, a sound like tinkling crystal to Jared's ears, and twirled around in the rain.
She finds joy in everything, thought Jared. How perfect is that?
But, as delicious as it was to watch the wetness plaster Lindsay's thin, pink sundress to her luscious curves, the gentleman in Jared couldn't let her stay outside in this weather.
"If you won't think it too forward, Lindsay, my place is just around the corner and we can dry off with some fluffy towels. I wouldn't want you to get sick."
Lindsay dimpled prettily at Jared's chivalry and held out her hand to him. "I'd love to, Jared. I have never felt safer with any man in my whole life. And I must look as frightful as a drowned rat."
"Oh no! Don't say that. You could never look that bad." Jared wouldn't hear another negative word from his gorgeous imp and five minutes later they were entering his luxurious apartment.
When Jared got back from the bathroom with the towels, Lindsay was standing in front of the fireplace where a picture of Jensen rested on the mantle.
"Is this your boyfriend?" she asked, curiously.
"WAS my boyfriend," Jared pouted and hung his head dejectedly.
Lindsay immediately wrapped a consoling arm around his waist and said in her soft, dulcet voice, "I'm so sorry he hurt you. And if it makes any difference, I think you're much better looking than he is."
ared blushed prettily at the compliment. She thought he was good looking!! How did he get so unbelievably lucky? "Anyway, it's over now," Jared insisted firmly, delicately taking her delicately elegant fingers in his awkwardly gigantic paw.
Lindsay's smile was mysterious, sensuous, the pink curve of her lips like the inside of a rare seashell. "Oh, Jared…."
"No, wait!" He raised her delicate, elegant fingers to his chest, flattening them over his firm, manly pectoral so she can feel the insistent throb of his heart. "I know that we just met, Lindsay, but already I feel like I know you. Know you all the way down into your beautiful soul. I never used to believe in love at first sight but then I look into the limpid pools of your gorgeous eyes and I know that it really exists. If you give me a chance, I know we could be happy together!"
Shadows overtook Lindsay's face, making her no less beautiful and yet somehow conveying a deep and fragile sadness. "Oh, Jared," she declared again, pulling her fingers away. The loss of her touch was almost like heartbreak itself and Jared swayed on his feet, struggling to maintain his composure. "I feel it too! Baby, I do. And yet…" She raised her wrist to her forehead, sorrow dripping from her posture like the rain falling from the heavens only moments before. "Oh, Jared. You and I together would be such an exquisite dream. I've never felt like this with anyone before either. I look at you and I know you're the answer to my prayers and dreams. But this cannot be!"
"What?" Jared took a step toward her only to have Lindsay take a step back. Her dark, mysterious eyes flash at him like the nighttime sky over Texas. "Why not? Lindsay…we're made for each other."
"No! You don't understand!" The dark, deep pools of her eyes fill, flashing silver. "I want to, Jared, I really do. But…my mysterious past…!" At once she puts her delicate hand over the sweetly pink cupid's bow of her lips. Jared has never envied a hand so much. "Oh! I shouldn't have said even that much! I have to go!"
With a muffled sob, she runs toward the door—casting one, burning, longing look back at him—before Jared can even move. And then, the gorgeous soulmate of his dreams is gone.
"OH NO!" Jared screams to the heavens. "LINDSAY!!!!!"
Jared was paralyzed for a moment anguish and torment furrowing his brow. “I’ve lost her...” he sobbed. “No...I can’t let her go. I CAN’T!!!!” He flung open the door, not caring that the force knocked the framed Spurs poster off the wall. “LINDSAY....wait.”
His angel was at the end of the hall waiting on the elevator. Her shoulders were drawn in, as if she was sobbing. Jared’s heart clenched. She was hurting....he wanted so badly to gather her into his arms and envelop her with his love. As if she could feel his desperate loving gaze, she turned back to look at him, before stepping on the elevator.
Jared took off in a dead run down the long marble floored hall towards his departing Venus, finally diving on his knees and skidding to a halt before the slowly closing doors. Arms stretched out imploringly before him, he begged with every ounce of passion in him, “PLEASE....don’t leave me. PLEASE....”
Lindsay’s eyes were bright with shimmering unshed tears. She pressed her fingers against her quivering lip, then blew him a soft kiss. “I’m so sorry....if only I could....”
The doors slowly closed, crushing Jared’s dream, his newly kindled hope. His face crumpled and he cradled his head in his large hands, sobbing messily and wailing his heartbreak.
Jared knelt like that, for hours, sobbing in the hallway, his neighbors creeping by in a blurry shifting of shoes as they went to and from the elevator, passing him as if he were just a dirty bug and not a man with his heart torn out, beating its last hurrah on the floor. When he could finally see well enough through his blood-shot eyes, he dragged himself to the wall and clawed his way up, heaving as his heart strained with the weight of his sorrow. Then he sloshed his way back to his apartment through the puddle of his own tears and sank into a deeply depressive funk on the couch near where Lindsay had last stood. And his feet brushed back and forth over the spot in the rug where she'd told him that their love, though written in the stars, could never be.
Days. He sat there for days, his tears leaking steadily until it seemed like there might be a river in his living room, just like in that old song. Jensen and Sandy both called, separately and together, but Jared let the machine pick up every time and plugged his ears so he wouldn't have to listen to the "come on, baby, talk to me" and the not-quite-apologies. They always made him cry just a little harder remembering that he'd met his one true love on that day of betrayal, but now she was gone and wouldn't come back to him, because of some stupid-stupid-stupid mysterious past.
He pouted through the waterfall of his tears. Why did he always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop?
When Chad called, though, things started looking up … sort of.
"Jay, there are so many fish in this smog-filled sea. Get your ass back to that bar and find some other pink-frilled bit of tuna, maybe even something exotic – Mahi Mahi or something."
Jared sniffled, whining pathetically into the phone. "I can't, man. I need Lindsay."
"Will you just- …"
"No! I NEED HER! How am I supposed to go on with my life, knowing that She, the love of my life - the love of my past lives even, I bet - is out there and won't have me, because of her mysterious past?! Huh?! HOW?!" Jared was nearly yelling as the phone became slippery with his tears of grief.
"Wait!" Chad's tone snapped, suddenly far clearer than his usual drug regimen allowed. "A mysterious past? A girl named Lindsay with a mysterious past? There was a girl down at Roxy's the other night who got a little tipsy and started mumbling about mysterious pasts. I think her name might have been Lindsay. Brownish-reddish hair? Great legs? Killer smile? Likes pink?"
Jared could feel his heart jump into overdrive, hoping more and more with each breath. "Yes. Yes! Did she say anything? Anything about her past? Anything that might lead me to her? Anything that might help me show her that nothing could keep me from wanting to be with her?"
"Actually … she did say something about bar on the other side of town called Bambi's- …"
"I know where that is! I'll go right now! Maybe there'll be a clue to who she is there! Maybe someone will know her!"
"Wait, you should know that it's- …"
But Jared wasn't listening anymore. He was tearing his almost week-old clothes off of his ripped body like the Hulk going into action to save the woman of his dreams. "Don't worry, Chad. I got this. Thanks for the help, man! Buy you a beer later!"
And with a click, Jared was speeding off to the shower and then on to unravel the mysterious past of the perfection known only as … Lindsay.
Jared made it to Bambi's in record time. He flew so fast it was a miracle he didn't get a speding ticket or worse. but he couldn't worry about that right then. He had to find the girl of his dreams. Lindsay. He was lost without her, a shell of his former self. His world was meaningless without her in it. But he was going to fix that. He was going to find out about her mystery and then he would be with her forever and ever, for like eternity.
The door the bar creaked as Jared pushed it open with his huge muscles. It almost flew off the hinges, that's how hard he pushed it. He stormed into the bar. "Lindsay," he hollared, looking around frantically, hoping to see his majestic goddess somewhere in the dark inside of the bar. Jared saw lots of women. There were tall ones, short ones, super skinny ones and was that...yes, that was a man dressed like a woman. But none of them were Lindsay. They all paled in comparison.
He flung himself down in a barstool and lent over the counter and sobbed into his arm. The bartender, a short blonde woman, came over and looked at him strangely. "You look like you need a beer. Can I get you a drink"
Jared looked at her with tears falling from his blue eyes. "No, no drinks. I was stupid to listen to Chad. He's such a douche and said that I would probably find Lindsay here because he heard someone say that her name was linsay and she had a mysterious past and then mentioned this place and I came but she's not here and I just don't know what to do?"
The bartender looked at the sad man with tenderness in her face. "You poor thing." She poured a glass of beer and pushed it in front of Jared. He picked it up and took a drink, his hands shaking so bad the amber liquid sloshed over the sides. The blonde looked at him and pursed her lips, as if thinking. "Wait. Lindsay. Like about this high, long brownish hair, pretty?"
Jared shook his head, his floppy hair falling into his eyes as he wrapped his long fingers around the cold glass. "That's her!"
"Oh, she works here," the bartender said. "She should be...oh there she is."
Jared's head turned towards the door so fast, he almost got whiplash. And there she was. His stunning goddess. He had found Lindsay.
Thank god for Chad.
It didn't seem real, all at once the sorrow of the past week dissipates completely. Melting away in the presence of her smile, like sunshine and rainbows and puppies.
"Lindsay!" he cries out, making his way across the room in three strides of his ginormous legs. He wants to reach out for her, grab hold so she can't get away. But that isn't how you treat a lady, not at all. So instead he puts his hands in his pockets and looks down at the most radiant creature in the world. "I've been trying to find you for weeks. I missed you so much. I've been thinking about it and I don't care about your dark and mysterious past. All that matters is that you want to be with me. You do want to be with me, right?"
It hasn't occurred to him until just this minute. A woman like Lindsay, she could have whatever she wanted, whoever, and he couldn't even keep Jensen and Sandy. It would break his heart if Lindsay didn't want him afterall, but he would accept it of course, because the only thing that mattered was his beautiful Lindsay's happiness.
"Do you mean it Jared?" she asks him, pushing a single perfect lock of hair out of her eyes. "I do, of course I do, I want to be with you so much. I just worry, so much that my dark past will drive you away."
"It would never happen, you, Lindsay, my Lindsay... I could never be driven away from you. Go ahead and tell me, so there will be nothing between us, nothing to keep us apart."
"Oh Jared," and Lindsay bites her lip beautifully, looking down at the floor once before looking back up to gaze at Jared soulfully. "It's just-" her cellphone goes off at that exact moment, a cheerful ring tone that matches her perfectly, like some one had somehow distilled her personality into one, cheery, ten second jingle.
"Jared, I'm sorry, I have to..." Lindsee said, looking at her fone's caller id.
"No, no, go ahead," Jared says, trying to maintain his gentelmenly heir.
"Yes? Michael, right now? Are you sure?"
MICHAEL?! Who the hell was Micheal?!
"I can't. Micheal, I can't!" Lindsey begins to cry again, her limp pools filling up with crystalene body fluid, silently,,
Oh. Well he was obviously her boss or something.
"Well, you've got to tell Nikita that I'm busy! She'll have to handle it on her own. As a matter of fact? I can't take this anymore. I'm done. I'm resigning from the Section. I've found something..." Lindsey's wet orbs fixed on Jared's own slightly moist orbs. "...so much more important than our work there. I'll explain to Operations, he'll understand and likes me remember? Yes, I'll miss you too, cherie-Michel." Lindseey made kissy noises into her hot pink cell and then flipped it closed. She turned, somewhat guiltily, to Jared and said, "He's like a brother, to me. Well, he actually might BE my brother, I was thought dead for many years, but we've never determined exactly...you know what? Nevermind. That’s all over now, sweet Jayred!”
Lindsey grabbed Jared’s softly curling hair and draws him close, she kissed him with tongue (but not in a slobbery or at all slutty way except that kind of slutty that’s very nice and ladylike and only shoes how much healthy joy she took in her own body’s capabilities), and purrs, “Now that I’ve resigned, without incicent, from my job as a spy…let us go back again to your place, Jared. Oh but I’m being so forward.” His pink-clad angel blushes just as pink and pretty and perfect as her heart and soul and she drew back slightly, “But if you don’t think I’m a whore for asking, will you…take me…their? Back again to your tastefully decorated bachelor pad?”
Jare’ds heart lept into spaz-dance, his sole soured up into the heavens and he felt a happiness so happy that he couldn’t possible explain it in words. It felt like a thousand of the best kinds of organisms like when Jensen would fuck his asshole and make him cum just from repeatedly stabbing his prostrate, a million bolts of lightening, a bajillion choirs of angels singing a heavenly remix of Britney Speers’es Toxic. LINDSEYE! WAS HIS! FINALLY! AFTER ALL THESE HOURS AND HOURS!
"Oh LIndsay!" It took everything Jared had to speak because the beauty of this beautiful angel was paralysing him. "I would never think you were a hore." And he wouldn't evern think that about his precious, beautiful Lindsay. "You are my beautiful rose because your skin is soft and smooth like the petals of a rose and you are so beautiful I want to pluck you and make you mine forever only I'd never press you between the pages of a book," he finished in a rush.
Lindsay just giggled, the soft tresses of her hair cascading down around her shoulders as she looked up at him. "Oh, Jared. You are so lovely."
Jared spun around in a happy little circle, feeling his hart flying up out of his chest. Lindsay thought he was lovely!
"NO it is you who are more lovelyer than me!!!" HE didn't know hoiw he lives without her ebfore he met her. She was the air in his lungs and ther blood in his veins and the sugar in his candy. Colors were bright because of her and when she was had been gone she made everything darker and the skyes were all dark and cloudy like when i'ts about to rain really really really hard and make everything all wet and flooded. He knew what to do then because he didn't wnt tot feel that way gain ever agiain.
"Oh Linsey I am in LOVEV with you and I no you are my souldmate!!! i can't live without ayou anymore! I dont car abiut your tragic and mysterious past I want to be with you forever marry me lindsay!"
"Jared!" she said, her perfect pink lips parting with surprise, her beautiful eyes wide and filled with such sweet shimmering emotion Jared fell for her all over again. "Oh, I..."
"I'm sorry if you think it's too soon," Jared said, earnestly, taking hold of her hand and cradling it between both of his. Her skin was as soft and as exquisite as freshly-washed silk hung out to dry in the palace of the emperors of China. "I've never - I've never felt so strongly for anyone, and I just - I think you might be the one."
Lindsay just stared at him, and on another, less-divine creature, it might have looked terrible; but Lindsay, as spectacularaly beautiful as she was, pulled it off with gusto. "Jared," she breathed damply, and Jared was startled to realise she was trembling, as though she were a tender field-mouse caught before the swooping talons of an owl. He stood up, releasing her fair hand, and took a step back, bowing to her as deeply as he could.
"I'm sorry," he said, anguished, for he had not meant to frighten this fantastic creature so. "Lindsay, I did not -"
"I love you, Jared!" Lindsay cried, her eyes filling with perfect crystalline tears of gently glimmering splendour.
Now in his enormous house, in his enormous room, next to his enormous fluffy down filled bed his heart felt as if it might essplode as he took in all of his Lindsay's beauty. She was truly sent from the heaven.
Good gracious, his one and only, the "one", the only woman he wuld ever have eyes for expressed her undying luv for him. He felt as if this beating muscle in his chest would do a flip flop any second.
He cupped her beautifully graced facial features with his enormous hands (which she had been obsessing over all evening), pressing just licked lips to those tears, lapping them up with his soft and skillful tongue.
His hair, that one stray tendril that seemed to stay perfectly in place against his forehead ever since she had first laid eyes on him, brushed against her eyelid, momentarily getting caught in her long curly lashes. She thought she would die of sheer want if she didn't get to shove her hands all in that gorgeous mop of hair on Jared's head.
Waves and waves of desire took ovr and the next words tumbling out her still pink lips (thanks to that all day wear lipstick) were more truthful than any words she had spoken yet, "Oh Jared, take me to bed or lose me forever! Well, you know, not really lose me forever but I mean with all my heart the first part."
And Jared was overwhelmed with passion and love and all things pink and of course his beloved, standing here in front of him looking so beautiful. All he could say was, "Oh Lindsay. My Lindsay."
The truth was, he'd been having sex with Jensen so long, and ignoring Sandy (she didn't like when he wanted to go down on her which? Weird. I mean, what girl doesn't like that, right? but she didn't. He didn't understand but, whatever he was with Lindsay now, his Lindsay!), he could hardly remember how to screw, um, make love to a girl. His hands trembled and his hair fell in his eyes.
But his angel saved him again. Warm, sweet hands that smelled of buttercream frosting and every good thing brushed his hair out of his eyes. "What's wrong, my love?"
"No-nothing," he stuttered, embarrassed, but he knew if they were to have a life together, he couldn't lie to his Lindsay. Ever. About anything. They must always have perfect honesty between them. So, cheeks turning a shade of pink to match her lipgloss, Jared dipped his head (which didn't really have the effect he hoped for since he was so much taller than his beloved) and smiled shyly. "It's just that...I want our first time together to be perfect. And it's been so long - of course now I know why, because Sandy was fu--um, having sex with Jensen all along! But that doesn't matter now." Oh, god, he talked SO much!
The most beautiful woman in the entire world, his bride-to-be, ran her hand down his arm, then she twined their fingers together just like a bridal wreath and led him toward his bedroom. And because she was his soulmate, she didn't even have to ask where it was, though she'd never been to his house before.
While they walked, well, she glided and he walked, his beautiful, perfect Lindsay reassured him. "Oh, Jared, don't worry. Making love with you will be wonderful. We love each other, and that is the most important thing. Even if I don't have an orgasm, having you inside me will complete me."
He couldn't believe how generous she was, how very precious and unique. No one had ever been so selfless as she was. "Thank you. Thank you so much, my wife to be, you have set me at ease. Sandy doesn't like me to pleasure her with my mouth, but then demands I give her orgasm after orgasm and it's exhausting and frightening and..."
Jared stopped, because Lindsay was unbuttoning her blouse, and she had the most gorgeous, roundest, perkiest breasts, with the prettiest pink nipples. Even though they were a C cup at least, she didn't need a bra because they were so firm. His mouth watered with the need to suck them, and his cock grew instantly hard for her. Harder than it ever had for Jensen or Sandy.
"Now you, Jared. Take off your shirt," she asked, and how could he refuse her? He unbuttoned his shirt, like a slow strip tease, then laid it across his nightstand (and while he was over there he checked to make sure he still had condoms and lube and flipped the switch on his stereo for seduction music). "Oh, wow. Wow, you have such an incredible back. It's just so muscular and beautiful. I can't believe how lucky I am!"
She ran her tiny hands all over his back, then pressed against him, crushing her breasts into him and sliding her hands down over his pulsating manhood. "I want to feel you inside me, my big stallion of a man. Come take what's yours," she purred against the skin of his back.
Jared shivered, but when he reached for her, to pull her in front of him, she was gone. His heart skipped a beat, scared that she had lied to him and didn't love him. Then he turned around, and she lay on his bed, stretched out with her arms overhead, naked. And Jared couldn't breathe she was so incredible.
Had he thought her breasts beautiful? Between her parted thighs, her pussy glistened slick and deep dusky rose with desire. For him. He had never seen anything so enticing in all of his life as that neatly trimmed love nest.
He couldn't wait another second! He just had to taste her, right now!
Abandoning his pants on the way to the bed, Jared went and knelt between her legs. "Oh, Lindsay, your pussy is so much prettier than Sandy's. And I bet you taste like the finest champagne."
His angel giggled at that, and it sounded like the best music he'd ever heard, the harmony of the spheres. "It's true, and I'm going to find out. Right..." He lowered his head. "Now." And took a lick.
"Oh. Oh. That feels so good. I need you so much, Jared." And finally, finally after all those days and hours of wanting, she tangled her fingers in his thick messy hair and held his head right where he wanted to be.
"Mmmphluffu," he told her, tongue hard at work at taking her to the heights of ecstasy. He was wrong, she didn't taste like champagne, or at least not only. Her juices did, and he drank them eagerly, lapped at them and her stiff little clitty. But her pussy lips tasted like wedding cake, delicate vanilla and the tiniest hint of spice. Like his Lindsay, sweet and spicy.
Not only did his perfect angel understand him with his face buried in her juicy core, but she came for him. So easily! "I. Love. You. Toooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" she moaned, and that sounded even better to him than her musical giggles.
In fact, so good, he wanted to hear it again, and he just loved the taste of her, besides Sandy never let him make her come more than once. So he was determined to try. Sliding one long finger inside her, Jared stroked that spot inside, the little rough patch until Lindsay bucked and arched into his mouth and his face grew wet with her desire. He licked and sucked and nibbled at her dusky rose lips and slid another finger in deep. And the whole time her hips rocketed off the bed, she held his head nice and hard so he could easily follow her.
After a few minutes, she came again, louder and more violently before. Her whole body wracked with shudders. "Jared. My Jared," she whispered, when he finally drew her into his arms. "Please, please won't you take me now? Please won't you make me yours?"
She trembled and sounded faint with her desire (even though she'd already come twice! and her juices soaked her thighs, his face, the sheets), and he couldn't resist her. It was like a moth to a flame, or filings to a magnet, or... Jared to his Lindsay.
"Just one thing, my love, before you put that massive piece of manmeat in my love canal." Lindsay pushed herself up on her elbows, which thrust her breasts out into his face, and he just had to suck those luscious nipples.
Which he did, for a long time, and she moaned and panted and begged for him to stop, and never to stop, but finally, his pole felt so long and heavy between his legs, he knew he couldn't tease anymore. So he looked up into her crystalline blue eyes gone dark with lust and pursed his lips - they were so red they looked like he'd been sucking cock for hours, but Jensen said he looked pretty that way, so he didn't mind. "Mmmm?"
"Who," she panted, breathless. "Who is Sandy?"
"It's not what you think! I swear." He panicked and almost lost his erection, but he wanted her so much he hung onto it by the skin of his teeth. "Sandy was my girlfriend, while I was with my boyfriend, Jensen, and she cheated on me, with him and that's how I was out in the street that night when I found you because she's a lying...liar and...she really hurt my feelings, but then YOU came along, Lindsay, and none of it even mattered, because I'd never seen anything more perfect and I knew I wanted to be with you forever!"
At his confession, Lindsay laughed and ruffled his hair. "My Jared, so silly. I wasn't angry. I could never be angry with you. I just wanted to know who this bitch was, in case I needed to cut her for hurting you. And I wanted to know so I wouldn't be thinking about anything but your big cock when you shove it in me. Which you're going to do now. Right?" She winked, and Jared thought his whole world was right here in her eyes.
Making love to Lindsay was the most perfect moment of Jared's life. Skyrockets in flight had nothing on the sparks that erupted between them. Her body was magical; fitting perfectly with his, even though he was proportionally large.
He groaned in ecstasy as he filled her completely, totally. "OH...Lindsay...."
"Oh Jared..." She gasped and panted and writhed beneath him. Her delicate hands gripping his broad, manly shoulders. "You are Magnificent!"
The moved together in perfect harmony, spiraling upwards on waves of desire. Jared mouthed across her jaw, nipping the soft skin under it, "Baby, oh baby, you're so hot and moist and exquisite."
"Jared!" she squealed, her perfect silky thighs wrapped tightly around his waist. "I've never felt....oh my....this is just...do that AGAIN."
Jared's heart swelled. Lindsay, his beauteaous, specimien of womanhood's passion made him step up his efforts to pleasure her. He vigorously tongued her mouth as his vastly proportional member speared her to her very core. "Baby, gonna make it so good for you...."
"Oh, oh..." she screamed, digging her perfectly pink nails into the flesh of his biceps. "More...more...more...fill me up you gigantic stud muffin, you!!!!"
"Sweet mother of...." Jared bucked and thrust and screamed as Lindsay writhed in the most perfect and erotic ecstasy beneath him. Her hot quivering love channel clenched him so tight, he nearly passed out, but he gritted his teeth, crossed his eyes and uncurled his toes.
With nearly superhuman effort, the thrust once, twice, three times and exploded with a scream so loud he was sure Jensen and Sandy both heard it and WEPT with Jealous Rage.
Simultaneously, Lindsay screamed her release, crying out Jared's name until the walls shook. Her sweet pussy pulsed and milked the last of his cum deep inside of her.
"Oh Jared, baby! I've never had an orgasm like that in my whole dark and mysterious life!" She let her nails scrape down his back until goosebumps raised and shivered atop her.
"Um...but Jared...I think you have to move. I can't breathe."
Instantly Jared pulled away and rolled over and Lindsay looked proudly at his facid member, w hich she had made like that.
Jared was instantly alert to his precious Lindsay's every whim and need. "What is it lover? Is something wrong? Did I hurt you with my huge love pole?"
"No no! that was fine. But... You didn't use a rubber!" Her limpid eyes were wide and Jared couldn't stand the look of trepidation on her face.
"Don't worry Lindsay. You know I"m going to marry you. I can't imagine my life without you. If you're pregnant, we will have a beautiful family!"
Jared nuzzled around her breats and couldn't help latching on to one perfectly pink nipple, humming against her skin.
He imagined he could actually feel a golden cord attaching him and Lindsay. They were soulbound for life. He just knew it.
Jayred slippsed from Lindsay to the floor. She sitted up, the lushious deep orbs of her eyes wide and filled with the love of him just like her lady parts were filled with his creamy fresh luvving.
"Lindsay" he sed taking her little ladyfingers (except not like the cookies, like her fingers and they're hers and she's a lady so ladyfingers) in his big manly monkeypaws (becuz ZOMG have you SEEN Jayred's hands??? *swoon*) "You kno I totes love you, right?"
"Right!" she chirped fluttering fluttery lashes.
"And I wants us to be together FOREVER. I know its meant to be. I feel it in my sole. Marry me, Lindsay. We's totes solemates."
"ZOMG, Jayred, of COURSE I'll marry you!" Lindsay throws herself at him andd Jayred finds himself on his back, blinking blue-silver eyes into Lindsay's beautiful changeable pools. "FOREVER!"
"FOREVER!" Jayred swears and feels the whole in his heart become oen with Lindsay's beautiful sole forever.
Author's Notes: Our thanks to wendy for the original idea of a fic round robin, to technosage for the idea of Jared/Lindsay and for starting us off and manfully (womanfully?) taking on much of the hetsex (because eww, squicky *g*), to eboniorchid for taking up the challenge to make a banner out of the kindness of her heart on her own birthday, and quietdiscerning who is making cover art for this masterpiece, and to everyone else for participating: missyjack, drvsilla, __tiana__, poisontaster, exsequar, lostt1, affectingly, brynwulf, way2busymom, eboniorchid, mona1347, just_katarin, leighm, kelex, clex_monkie89, and nymeria.
For those who want to see the sausagein the making and know who wrote which parts, visit the original fic here: Untitled Horrendous Mary Sue Fic in Progress!
Happy birthday, Lindsay! Hope this story makes you glee, giggle, sniffle, and shudder in all the right places for all the right reasons. And hope you make Rach read it out loud for paybacks!